Starting to doubt oneself is not the best recipe for confidence. And that's where I'm at now. Given the rigors and distress of the past two and a half years, I believe it is more important now than ever to nurture solid friendships.

I have had a history of sustaining friends. But that seems to be changing. Is it the fact that I've become more likely to speak my mind and less willing to put up with B.S., or a combination of the two? There's an old saying there's your side of the story, mine, and the truth, that lies somewhere in the middle.

Here is an example in point. I just moved out of a building I had lived in for a few years. I thought I had a friendship with another woman there. We would go walking and out for coffee when work did not collide. It was not a deep friendship but cordial--the type of rapport where you felt like you could contact the person if there was ever an emergency and no one else was around. Alternately, I would extend a reciprocal response. 

When I was moving, this individual suddenly turned on me. I could not figure it out. Was it because I was leaving and she had to stay? Was the 'friendship' one of convenience that worked because I happened to live there? Since I was going, she did not need me anymore. I'm not sure what happened but I feel used and slighted. Not once did this person pay for coffee or food -- it was always me. I would have appreciated a return gesture just one time.

You can never guess what's going on in another person's head. It's possible to have an instinct, but you won't know unless they tell you. When I confronted my neighbor she replied 'You're not a friend, just another tenant." That smarted. How naive could I be?

I do not want to lose my ability to trust other people and their motivations. But I am noticing lots of two-faced people around. With new friendships, I often feel like I do all the calling and put myself out. I'm not getting back what I put into a relationship. 

My best friends are those I have known since childhood -- and of course, my family. Co-workers have been good acquaintances. My true friends are not nasty or manipulative -- like my ex-neighbor. She upset me. I still have a shield of sensitivity that I've worn since childhood. And even with the harsh doses of reality we all experience as the years go on, I am still that delicate child at my core.

If friendships are irretrievable, it's best to move on fast and realize that everything has a season. Not every 'friendship' is permanent. I'm positive the cold neighbor who dumped me is not feeling any remorse. But this is a lesson to be more discerning in who I spend free time with and to pursue healthier friendships.