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Losing Baby

Taylor Wikowsky

Posted on March 4, 2019 15:22

3 users

This article is a feel good piece about dealing with the aftermath of spontaneous abortion, most commonly referred to as miscarriage.

Not too long ago, I was faced with an impossible mountain to climb. I sat in the doctor's office and listened to a nurse tell me that I had miscarried my child at six weeks. Many may think that at six weeks it would be impossible to feel that loss so deeply. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for some time and the loss hit us like a ton of bricks. Little did I know that listening to the news would be the easiest part of the months to follow. 

After leaving that office, I cried for days. The most difficult thing to overcome was the constant wondering who my child would have been. Would he/she have looked like me? What would his/her voice have sounded like? Would he/she have had my love for writing or my husband's love for math? The questions piled on like never ending waves. Each time I would think I was having a good day, night would fall and the same questions would come back. 

The next obstacle I found to be impossible to deal with was how much my body changed. All of the annoying, and even painful, pregnancy symptoms ended within days. I honestly found that I missed the symptoms and felt an immense sense of emptiness that I never thought would go away. 

Then came the big one. Someone very close to me got pregnant. I knew that I was supposed to be happy for them. I realized that a child was a blessing for them. I couldn't help but be hurt and a little envious that they were going to have a baby and I would never get to meet mine. 

Through research, I have discovered that many women have faced this same issue. In fact, miscarriage seems to be just as common; if not more so, than live births. Support groups have helped me work through my negative feelings and realize that there is hope for having more children in the future. I will never be able to forget my unborn child. I will never feel that their small life was not cut too short. Knowing that I can look ahead and that I have a large support system helps though. 

If you, or anyone you know has experienced this type of loss in recent months, don't fear. It gets easier. I am not going to say that it necessarily stops hurting. In my experience, the question of what could have been never quite goes away. I can say that there are people out there who can help. Look to your partner and your family; there are brighter days to come. 

Taylor Wikowsky

Posted on March 4, 2019 15:22

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