I was babysitting for my two year old daughter when I had to get something at the hardware store. She insisted, for the outing, on wearing a pink dress and having her hair brushed into a fountain on top. Dad obliged, then had to face questions from the shop attendant as to whether this was a new fashion. My answer that it was just a fad was not good enough and I got a lecture that men should not express themselves on female fashion.

But recently a discussion on a writer's group mostly populated by authors of the female persuasion drifted on to underwear. I was bemused at the fervor with which a few admitted to loving their granny panties, and the dislike towards g-strings. One rather successful author complained that she gets rubbed raw by such fashionable underwear. This shifted to laments at being brainwashed by the media and being victims of advertising, which prompted me to add my 2 cents.

My comment was that people who allow themselves to be brainwashed by advertising into buying uncomfortable underwear should perhaps consider why they allow TV and other media to pour opinions and ideas into their heads for hours at a time. And, I added innocently, why choose to be a victim?

I should have known what would happen. I was flooded by people accusing me of victim blaming and of not understanding human psychology.

This wallowing in victimhood goes much further. South Africa has been following a courtroom soap opera over the last 17 years. The main actor is the ex-President, Jacob Zuma, accused of corruption when Deputy President back in 2005. While demanding his day in court, he fought a Stalingrad campaign to prevent, postpone, avoid and obfuscate legal action. Now, a month his latest court date his legal team withdrew. Has he run out of money, since he can no longer call on the state to fund his immense legal costs, or is it another tactic to win another few months of delay? Whatever the case, ex-President Zuma has refused to appear before a Commission of Enquiry into corruption he himself has set up, and was eventually given an option to tell the Constitutional Court what sanction he believes would be appropriate. He replied by repeating allegations of judicial bias against him, a claim that has since been repeated by a few of his erstwhile collaborators who also face probes.

In short, if you prefer to be a victim you lose the ability to change things, to improve your situation. Not to deny the terrible dilemma of victims of real violence and of crime, a problem that needs much more attention than it receives.

But claiming victimhood for being brainwashed into buying uncomfortable underwear? Really?