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Dear Straight Men:

Robin Alexander

Posted on September 26, 2018 10:29

1 user

I would like to apologize to all of you ahead of time. Personally, I adore you. I wouldn’t want to live without you. I even think that women can learn certain traits from you (not having to do with aesthetics). But this is politics, and so the gloves must come off. At least for as long as it takes to write this.

I believe that Dr. Ford’s allegations are true:

1.       There’s no reason to think she woke up one morning and decided to wantonly destroy a reputation. In fact a small fraction of sexual accusations are false.

2.       The incident was so excruciatingly traumatic it took decades to divulge it. This occurred well before Kavanaugh was a gleam in Trump’s eye.

3.       She passed a lie-detector test (why isn’t Kavanaugh taking one?).

4.       She has nothing to gain and everything to lose.


Lose? Well, that’s why we wait so long to come forward:

1.       When a woman DOES come forward, she's often not believed: Why didn't she talk sooner? Why is she making such a fuss (boys will be boys)?

2.       She’s immediately scrutinized and blamed: Why did she go there? What was she wearing? What’s her sexual history? Did she drink? Did she flirt? (As if any of it excuses assault).

3.       It's difficult to admit to the world that you're a victim. No one wants to be perceived that way.

4.       The victim sees the perpetrator’s view of her as a worthless, powerless sexual object reflected back in the face of every person who knows.

Are you feeling the pain?


What do all these reasons have in common? Systemic shaming.

Females are taught to be ashamed. We’re taught to second-guess ourselves, and apologize for the slightest infraction of decorum, especially when it comes to sexuality. More accurately, the “sexualizing” is projected onto us by men, no doubt because of your unruly hormones. Well, that’s the difficult hand nature dealt you in order to ensure survival of the species. Don’t blame us.

But in fact you have blamed us, from the first ancient seductress myth until today.

For reasons you understand all too well, it was in your best interests to wield power over women; and until recently when brains became at least as important as brawn, it was easy to do so. Our enfranchisement makes many of you uncomfortable. The most damaged among you measures his manhood by how badly he can treat us and get away with it.

The irony is you engineered a system that blames, shames, and disbelieves women. It’s a system that makes us reluctant to come forward in the first place; said reluctance is then used against us in the second place. How beautifully circular. Good job.

And we bought into it; that’s been our survival tactic.  

Is it any wonder that so many women coming forward now have such old stories? As a society we're just starting to deal with the fallout from 30, 40, 50+ years ago. It can’t be helped. That’s how you arranged the world back when you had all the power. So now you must own it.

Unfortunately, this makes it harder to conclusively prove allegations, and reputations will be soiled. For that I’m truly sorry. But, you can no longer avoid experiencing the whole dirty ordeal along with us.



Robin Alexander

Posted on September 26, 2018 10:29


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