One episode of “Who is America?” features Philip Van Cleave, president of the Virginia Citizens Defense League, taping an advertisement aimed at selling young children on the idea of using guns against “naughty men,” resulting in a “long time-out.” The Hello Kitty gunimal “spits his candy really really fast.”

In the interview with Israeli ex-Mossad anti-terror expert Erran Morad, Van Cleave admits, “we’ve been pushing something similar for years, but haven’t gotten any traction with it. We were thinking 7th or 8th grade.” Leave it to an Israeli to think big – or small.

Morad explains that the program Kinderguardians is already in place in Israel, and that his son was in the very first session “may he rest in peace. He died doing what I love.” Without skipping a beat Van Cleave responds, “Yeah, they haven’t quite developed conscience yet . . . they can make very effective soldiers.” So true.

Here’s what the rest of the Republicans interviewed said about the innovative program:

·       Trent Lott (former Majority Leader – MI-R) loved the idea, advocating for putting guns into the hands of “highly trained pre-schoolers.” I have a friend who teaches a dance class to three-year-olds and she can barely get them to stand in first position, but that’s probably a lot harder than using a gun.

·       Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (Congressman – R-CA) thought that if young people were taught to defend their school, it “might make us safer here.” This made me realize that three-year-olds should be taught life-guarding.

·       Rep. Joe Wilson (Congressman – R-SC) didn’t think the gunimal would work well against an assault rifle – excellent inductive reasoning – but noted, “the founding fathers did not put an age limit on the second amendment.” Well, bless their hearts.

·       Joe Walsh (former Congressmen – R-IL) was especially supportive explaining that introducing pistols, rifles, semi-automatics and a rudimentary knowledge of mortars to first-graders would produce, in less than ONE month, “a first-grenader.” Walsh is not only daring, he’s witty.

·       Larry Pratt (Executive Director Emeritus, Gun Owners of America) had this to say about arming young children: “Uncorrupted by fake news or homosexuality, they don’t worry if it’s politically correct to shoot a mentally deranged gunman. They’ll just do it!” What more needs to be said?

Enter stage right, Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education, who announced this week that she is “considering allowing states to use federal funding to buy guns for school teachers” As reported in the New York Times, DeVos is specifically eyeing the Every Student Succeeds Act (2015) since that legislation does not forbid the use of funds for weapons purchases.

Seriously, you cannot succeed if you’ve been gunned down. And, as we’ve learned from Joe Wilson and now DeVos, if a document doesn’t specifically forbid something, you can do it!

That’s why ladders have those long cautionary labels.

But Betsy, Betsy, Betsy, don’t be so old-school. Take a tip from Morad and arm the kids.