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Opinion
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Olympic Torchbearer Has Been Jogging In Place On Street Corner For Past 2 Weeks
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12 Shocking Table Corners We Wish We Could Unsee
Source: The OnionUgh! Good luck erasing this table corner from our memory. Read more...... Read More
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Lady Gaga Announces Multi-Network Covid-19 Benefit Concert Telecast
Source: The OnionLady Gaga announced that she is curating the “One World: Together At Home” benefit concert that will air simultaneously on ABC, NBC, and CBS on April ... Read More
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Exhausting Every Other Way To Pass Time, Couple Begins Ranking Their Lamps
Source: The OnionDAYTON, OH—Having run out of every other possible way to kill time, local couple Mark Lippeatt and Darcy Hatfield began the process of ranking all the... Read More
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Black Man Followed In Store From Exactly 6 Feet Away
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BREAKING
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Trump Overturns Presidential Limo While Touting Effectiveness Of PCP To Treat Coronavirus
Source: The OnionWASHINGTON—Screaming about how great the drug works while beating on his chest, Donald Trump reportedly overturned a presidential limousine Tuesday wh... Read More
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Allstate Returns Over $600 Million In Auto Premiums As Drivers Stay Home During Pandemic
Source: The OnionThe insurance company Allstate announced its customers would receive a 15% payback on their monthly premiums for April and May, citing a nationwide re... Read More
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Wisconsin Primary Voters Receive ‘I Voted’ Gravestones
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Senator Kelly Loeffler Asks For Prayers After Losing $30 On Single Stock Due To Coronavirus
Source: The OnionWASHINGTON—Begging her constituents to keep her family in their thoughts in the coming days, Sen. Kelly Loeffler (R-GA) asked for Americans to send he... Read More
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Ratings-Hungry Chris Cuomo Devotes Program To Interviewing 23 Other Cuomo Brothers
Source: The OnionNEW YORK—Enjoying a significant uptick in viewers following recent viral appearances on his television show by New York governor and brother Andrew, r... Read More
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